Deep thoughts from a place of tranquility
So …. it’s nearly 2am …. it’s a blustery, wintry-feeling night here on the West Coast …. C is sleeping, finally …. and I’m sitting here thinking that the time has come to think about getting back to work. She is 20 months old now and I just can’t justify getting not doing what I was born, nay, bred, to do!
Work …. what a tame, unassuming work for my vocation! Ah, well.
Malachi stopped by last night to say that he thought I might be needed for a possible job coming up in London – probably just means an overnight stay, but it’ll be the first one since C was born.
Before she was born, I had no fears or anxieties about work – I loved my job – I knew I was good at it – in fact I excelled (she says, ever so humbly!) – the risks involved were worth the end result, so I knew no fear. Then I fall pregnant, C’s father moves on, and one day I’m holding this incredibly beautiful little person in my arms ….. and my whole world gets turned upside down! The world seems an even darker, more sinister place than it was before, and I vow that C will grow up knowing only light and goodness.
So here I am …. in an isolated cottage, hidden in the Highlands of Scotland, having enjoyed the illusion of peace, tranquility and safety for 20 months, yet having to acknowledge that the dark, serious world outside still exists …. and that I’m going to have to go back into it soon … very soon.
I hate the thought of being away from C even for just one night, but I’m not sure whether to take her to London (assuming that’s my first assignment) or to leave her here at Calmo. Malachi has said he’ll stay with her, whether here or in London … which will be right up C’s street! But C has never seen Mummy after an assignment … she only knows her Mummy who feeds the chooks, tends the garden and veg patch (using the term ‘tends’ very loosely here!), takes her for long walks in the hills or along the shore, reads the same book on request over …and over … and over … and over again, etc, etc! Hmmmm … will have to think more deeply about this one.
Signing off for now!
Grace be with you all.
