So … have you ever wondered, if you were told that you only had 24 hours left to live, how you would spend that 24 hours?
I had a dream (one of my recurring dreams!) last night, that this had happened to me. I don’t know what happened in the dream though, as C woke me up – she has been so unsettled the last 3 nights.
Anyway … it got me thinking about what I would do. I would spend it all with C, ofcourse, speaking to her about the important things – love, respect, honour, etc. I already write letters to her that she will get when she’s 16, so I know that I’d have no regrets about leaving things unsaid. And I’d spend time walking the hills and the beach. And I’d leave letters for friends and family.
I guess it made me realise that we should never put things off until tomorrow, especially when it comes to relationships.
Anyway …. chooks are more secure now. The weather is atrocious today – talk about 4 seasons in 24 hours! Expecting a visit from Ambriel within a week or so, to bring me up to speed with work. That should be interesting!
Signing off for now. Grace to you all.
So … it was a quiet weekend. Took a trip to town for some shopping – needs must, I guess! It would be wonderful to be totally self sufficient, but these days I question whather that’s possible?
Made some decisions – C will come to London, if I’m given that assignment. Malachi should be free to care for her while I’m working. I’ve already started telling her that Mummy has to go back to work soon, but am totally at a loss as to how to explain to her what it is I do! So far I’ve just been saying that Mummy helps people in trouble. That’ll do for now.
A fox got into the chooks at the weekend, but thankfully only made off with one. I’m not sure if C fully understood what happened, but I felt I should tell her. It’s hard – you want to protect our wee ones from the harshness and saddness that there is in the world, but there’s only so much they can be protected from, isn’t there? So … guess who is reinforcing the chooks pen today? At least we have a nice sunny day for it – great weather for October!
Best get back to the wire and wood! Grace be with you.
Deep thoughts from a place of tranquility
So …. it’s nearly 2am …. it’s a blustery, wintry-feeling night here on the West Coast …. C is sleeping, finally …. and I’m sitting here thinking that the time has come to think about getting back to work. She is 20 months old now and I just can’t justify getting not doing what I was born, nay, bred, to do!
Work …. what a tame, unassuming work for my vocation! Ah, well.
Malachi stopped by last night to say that he thought I might be needed for a possible job coming up in London – probably just means an overnight stay, but it’ll be the first one since C was born.
Before she was born, I had no fears or anxieties about work – I loved my job – I knew I was good at it – in fact I excelled (she says, ever so humbly!) – the risks involved were worth the end result, so I knew no fear. Then I fall pregnant, C’s father moves on, and one day I’m holding this incredibly beautiful little person in my arms ….. and my whole world gets turned upside down! The world seems an even darker, more sinister place than it was before, and I vow that C will grow up knowing only light and goodness.
So here I am …. in an isolated cottage, hidden in the Highlands of Scotland, having enjoyed the illusion of peace, tranquility and safety for 20 months, yet having to acknowledge that the dark, serious world outside still exists …. and that I’m going to have to go back into it soon … very soon.
I hate the thought of being away from C even for just one night, but I’m not sure whether to take her to London (assuming that’s my first assignment) or to leave her here at Calmo. Malachi has said he’ll stay with her, whether here or in London … which will be right up C’s street! But C has never seen Mummy after an assignment … she only knows her Mummy who feeds the chooks, tends the garden and veg patch (using the term ‘tends’ very loosely here!), takes her for long walks in the hills or along the shore, reads the same book on request over …and over … and over … and over again, etc, etc! Hmmmm … will have to think more deeply about this one.
Signing off for now!
Grace be with you all.
